Dear Guest,

I Really DO Want to Help You…

Dear Guest(s),

My counter is made of real wood. Not that flimsy pressure-board crap. As such, I understand that it is difficult to write on. That is why I place your credit-card slip on the clipboard right in front of you. 

So when you take the slip off the clipboard and place it on the counter a few inches to the left (your right) of the clipboard, then frown and grunt and tell me that you can’t write on it very well, I will gladly say “Yeah, the grain of the wood is difficult to write on, that’s why I have this clipboard here”. I will then point to said clipboard…and laugh inside when you just keep trying to write on the messy wood.

So when I have to ask you how much you want to add, even though you just wrote it, because I can’t read your messy bumpy writing, don’t glare or snap at me. I put the paper on the clip-board for a reason, then I politely told you it was there when you complained about the counter. It wasn’t a trick or a trap. The clipboard really is your friend, and I really do only want to help, it’s easier on both of us that way. 

Thank you,

Kerry

Read the Sale Signs, Don’t Glance at Them

Dear Guest,

I understand that the sale sign says 40% off. But the shirt is ringing up full price, which means it is not on sale. However, just in case of a computer error (they do happen), I’ll have retail double check. You don’t feel like waiting for retail…ok, fine. Despite my line forming behind you, I’ll go check myself. 

I’m sorry, the sign says it’s the eagle and flag designs only. This is the wrong design, so it’s not on sale. …Yes, I know the sign says 40% and is located on the same shelf. It says those 2 designs only ma’am. Come with me ma’am, I’ll show you. -walks over to sign- See? It clearly says in normal sized letters, eagle design and flag design only. Plus it’s sitting with the bottom of the sign right under said pile of shirts.

Also, to the guest with the 2 jars of jam standing behind her, just a heads up, only the pumpkin butter and cranberry relish are 2/$4, the sign says so right on it.

Thank You,

Kerry

simplysavvi asked: I absolutely adore this blog. Even though you only have like 6 posts. You made me laugh so hard!

Aww, thanks ^_^ I just started it on Friday, lol. I see some pretty weird things so I have plenty of writing material. I take a pen and paper to work everyday to jot notes on the things I want to write about. 

Declined Doesn’t Mean Temporarily Unavailable

Dear Guest,

whywehateyou:

We hate you because you make us swipe your card multiple times when its declined…no ma’am, 10th time isn’t the charm. 

swiping it several times and then punching it manually twice and then swiping it again as a credit and then finally again as a debit will not make it work.

Thank You,

Kerry

Dear Guest,

Old Jokes Are Old.

whywehateyou:

We hate you because every time we check for counterfeit bills, you always say, “I just made it,” then you laugh at your unoriginal lame joke. 

Thank You,

Kerry

Come Prepared

Dear Guest,

Common Sense really isn’t your strong point is it? I mean no offense, but you might want to start thinking before acting. If you come into my store to tell me (or a fellow employee) that your product is broken, we will offer you a return. Most stores will, in fact. So you don’t have the receipt. I forgive you, I’ll just have to give you store credit instead of cash or credit card refunds.

So… where’s the product? …You didn’t bring it. Really? I’m sorry sir, but I cannot refund you any money or credit without the product. Next time, please think ahead so you don’t have to drive all the way home to get it. 

Ma’am with the rental product? This applies to you too. As you were obviously well aware, we charge you the full price upfront, and return it when you bring the product back to us. Which you did, so you get points for that. You even have all the paperwork with you that I need to process the refund minus the rental fee. Kudos.

I see that you used a visa card to rent the item. May I have it now so I can swipe it and apply the refund to the card? …You don’t have it? Well, that’s unusual, but if you used your husbands card…. any Visa will do; do you have a different Visa I can apply the refund to? No. You don’t. Okaaay…

Well, I’m the only cashier and there’s a line forming, but sure, I’ll wait while you run and go get your card… seeing as that my register is frozen once it’s this far in the transaction anyways. Next time you return something, rental or purchased, please remember to bring the card you used (unless you used cash or check, then we’re good). 

Thanks, 

Kerry

Trashcans: Not just a myth.

Dear Guest,

I know your parents lied to you about Santa Claus, and that The Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy were lies too. But allow me to reassure you, trashcans are real. We have three behind the counter, two in the restrooms, three more in the stockroom, three on the front porch, and a couple more on the way to the parking lot. Yes, I checked. They’re really there. Really.

Knowing this, as you must have passed at the very least two on your way in, why would you throw your trash on the floor? Or worse, my counter? yes sir, I mean you. The one who took your used napkin out of your pocket and threw it at me before walking away. It was colorful, and disgusting.

This also applies to you, Mr. Peanut Eater. Your empty peanut shells do not belong scattered across the retail floor. Your fingernail clippings don’t either, for that matter. Empty cans, tissues, old receipts, melted hard candy, even gum. They belong in the very real trash cans. If you can’t find one, I’ll be happy to either point you to one or to hold mine up for you to throw your trash in. 

Would I throw it away for you? If it’s not gross. That toothpick you just cleaned your teeth with? yeah, throw it away yourself. Don’t leave it on my counter.

Thanks,

Kerry

Patience is a Virtue

Dear Guest,

Patience is key to getting through life. and the line. Seriously. I have another guest that was in line before you, and it’s not my fault that she happened to buy a ton of things that need to be wrapped in tissue paper. Nor is it my fault that she likes to talk. But tapping your foot impatiently and letting loose those great big huge sighs? That’s only going to make me go slower.

Sooo not kidding. I’ll take my time carefully wrapping each thing, and when she prattles on I’ll converse with her as I slowly bah her purchases. I was going to politely cut the conversation short so I could help the line along, but you just ruined that for everyone behind you. 

Now I will even finish the conversation with her as she walks away. And guess what? When it’s your turn, I’m going to do my all-out best sales pitch ever. That’s correct, even if you interrupt me, I’m going to tell you every bit of product knowledge I have on the current item they want me to sell. I won’t even scan your meal-ticket until I’m done, and then I will ever-so-politely ask you which meal you had, how much you enjoyed it, how everyone else’s meals were, and then ask you again if you would like to purchase items A,B, or C. 

Then, when I’ve scanned your card

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